When I was 18 the first love of my life past away. We were no longer together at the time of his crossing, but our love for each other held an epic place in my heart. It still does. Such is the experience of young love. He loved me like no one ever had. I let him love me like I had never let another. His love saved my life. He was flawed, wild, exciting, a ridiculous amount of fun and someone who I will think about until I exhale my last breath. We were a messy young couple. We hurt each other. We grew. We grew apart. Such is the experience of young love.
When he passed I was devastated. I had lost the one person who I knew loved me. But even in his passing I was gifted with the opportunity to grieve all the deeply repressed loss I had experienced up until that point. I cried—all the time. I stared off into space. I went far away.
And then a book came my way.
Testimony Of Light by Helen Greaves fell into my lap. I haven’t read it since but it changed my experience of being a human on this planet. I remember standing on a subway platform when I was suddenly struck by the realization that I was at a crossroads; I could either believe that life was just a series painful events leading to nothing or I could believe that there was a higher intelligence working behind the scenes. I chose the later.
The experience was a culmination. An excruciating painful culmination that lead me to accepting my role in understanding my spiritual connection. I could either believe in all I had studied and worked at up until that point or I could step off the subway platform and let the train take me. It was that clear to me.
I wasn’t better right away, far from it, but it was the beginning of my healing. It was my first shaky step towards having faith in something greater than myself. I had to trust in order to live one more moment in this ridiculous, beautifully painful human incarnation.
Such is the nature of an initiation. We must participate in our healing.
Here in the Northern Hemisphere we are about to experience the culmination of the light of the sun on Saturday, June 21. The longest day of the year. This is maximum light, the light that began to grow in luminosity after the Winter Solstice. In Western astrology it marks the moment that the sun moves into 0 degrees of Cancer (tropical). Cancer initiates emotional connection. This sign wants to feed, nourish, provide safety, create intimacy and give life. Cancer is The Mother.
The Summer Solstice is the balancing point to the Winter Solstice, the darkest day of the year. Think back to that time for clues as to what this culmination could be about for you. Where were you? Who were you with? What issues were you working on? What dynamics were coming to consciousness? What drew you in? What knocked on your door?
Personally, this week has been an amazing and painful initiation process for me. I have a feeling that I’m not alone.
Such is the nature of this work.
When something comes to light, emerges, wants to be acknowledged and brought into our consciousness, we must have a sturdy enough container to let it alchemize within us. The sun is golden light, transformative light, if we let it be. Just like the dark, it effects how we see what we see.
To see more clearly, to walk with consciousness is no easy task. It demands rigorous honesty. This is a time for something to come to conscious awareness. What are our patterns? How do they surface and what do we do with them once they do? Do we choose the same old route? Do we choose the route that our trauma wants to take us in or do we wake up enough to activate our adult? Can we let the adult part of us steer the experience of life towards a new destination?
Mercury’s entry into the heart of the sun on Thursday, June 19th helps this process. So does Chiron’s station retrograde on Friday, June 20th. Both of these events are intensifiers. They make more obvious what those specific energies are. Mercury conjoining the sun marks the heart of the retrograde cycle. Mercury is infused with the light of the sun offering us a moment of clarity. We might even say that this is a moment where The Witness archetype is cultivated; the part of us that can stand back and see with greater perspective.
Chiron station retrograde is a moment of healing and understanding our wounds by re-experiencing them or experiencing a new relationship to them. These two events are quite the set-up before the arrival of the solstice.
Can we take what is witnessed and use it to further our growth? Can we resist the demands of the ego long enough to win the prize that our soul’s journey contains? Spiritual progress is never about getting what our ego wants. Spiritual progress is about accepting the experiences that will help us become conscious human beings.
May the light guide you, surround you, protect you and love you back to yourself.
Solstice Blessings,
xc
*Edited by Moi Garcia