I’m flying straight into it.
I have no other choice. When the pull is this great there are only two options: resist all and be torn to pieces or risk all and be torn to pieces.
I don’t want another year to go by without learning to let a deeper love in. I don’t want another year to go by without learning just how fragile my heart is and how deeply it yearns to be understood. I don’t want to spend another year covered up, suited up and bound up in my usual uniform of stay the fuck away from me. So I have to lay it down. Not all together, not even permanently but at least momentarily. The only way to know all that life has to offer is to be willing to let go of every last shred of what keeps us comfortable.
Sometimes you have to lose everything to gain anything.
The full moon in Capricorn will arrive on Saturday at 4:25 am PST. Capricorn calls it as it sees it. In traditional heteronormative speak, Capricorn is the father, with Cancer (the sign the sun is now in) as the mother. For the sake of our purposes here (total gender binary destruction) we’ll just call them two aspects of parenting that have nothing to do with gender expression or sex.
While Cancer initiates feeling, Capricorn initiates the utilization of the physical world around us. Cancer lives in a world of emotional exploration while Capricorn lives in a world of boundary, hard work and productivity. One aspect of the parent teaches us how to locate, understand and process the feelings that arise, inform and guide us. The other aspect of the parent teaches us how to be in the world, fulfill our promises and be responsible even when we don’t feel like it. Cancer beckons Capricorn home to refuel, replenish and remember what is at the heart of life. Capricorn takes Cancer’s reluctant hand and guides it through the outer world showing it how to utilize that precious heart in the outer world of accomplishments.
To parent means to bring forth. Parents don’t have to be related to us to bring forth the very best in us. Parents don’t have to have been there from day one for us to feel deeply connected to them. Parents enter our lives in all sorts of ways. Some through their literature, some through their speeches, their protests and their sacrifices. They make us stand up straight, they make us want to make them proud, they make us think, consider, contemplate and pause in the busiest moments of our lives and ask if we ar living in integrity and living out our potential. Parents let us know that we are not alone. In everything that they do they let us know that we are perfect, complicated components of the universe that belong here. Parents create a home for us so we have a chance to grow into our potential and then kick us out when it’s time to enact it in the world.
The moon will conjunct Pluto on Friday. Any planet that it connects with on its way to becoming full is influencing the outcome greatly. It’s kind of like driving past a hitchhiker on a road trip, whether you pick them up or not just the experience of passing them influences our state of being. I don’t know if I’d stop if I saw Pluto on the side of the road but it’s one of those energies that I wouldn’t want to just pass by for fear of retribution later. You just don’t fuck with Pluto. The planet has a tendency to take from us, abduct us and challenge our attachments to everything that is getting in the way of our spiritual liberation. Pluto leaves nothing in the same state as it was found. Such is life when it gets going.
On Saturday the burgeoning moon will square Uranus and trine Saturn and Chiron before realizing itself fully. Afterwards it will square the Mars, Ceres, Vesta and the north node combination in Libra. Basically it’s stirring up what is left of the game-changing astrology of this spring known as the Cardinal Grand Cross. Astrology like this begs us to engage more fully with our lives. Dares us to feel into the depths that only truth can hold. It tricks us into bravery and demands our attention, focus and devotion.
Safety is an illusion. Permanence is preposterous. God is change* and so must we.
If Pluto is about anything it’s about journeying. We cannot escape the journey laid out for us. We can resist it. We can scorn it. We can rally against it, fists to the sky and tears falling to the ground. We can wait until our last breath or take it up on our first one, the choice is always ours. Our journey stands outside the boundaries of time with the patience of a million saints. Our journey does not give up on us, even when we do.
But eventually engage it we must. And in the process we are challenged, changed and hopefully brought closer to the true nature of our being. If we survive, we tell the tale upon our return. We tell the tale and others are healed by it. This is our piece. This is our peace. This is our (sometimes horrific) glory. Humans live through harrowing, devastating atrocities of man and god everyday. It seems senseless and sometimes it just might be save for the meaning we are able to make of it.
Next week Jupiter will move in to Leo and the week after Mars will finally move out of Libra and into some home territory, Scorpio (it’s the traditional ruler of the sign). This signifies a time where our focus shifts and we might just find resolve in the areas of life where Mars especially has been raising hell, doubts and most likely paralyzing our decision making powers in one way or another. This full moon is a precursor to that and can act as a kind of slate clearing event if we allow it.
God is change and so must we. Fly straight into it if you can.
Happy full moon,
Chani
*from Octavia Bultler’s Parable of The Sower.