I have a million of them. One for every mood. One for every occasion. One for every moment of my life.
In some versions everyone and their dog lets me down. Again. They don’t actually care about me or worse, they are indifferent to me. All they end up leaving me with is an even deeper gaping wound of insatiable need than I already have.
In some versions I triumph. People love me, I win awards in my gowns and I give out prizes and everyone cries tears of joy. I am brilliant and what I do has never been done before and everyone is mesmerized by the stroke of genius that I am.
Those ones don’t usually last long.
Swiftly following is usually a version where I am an unredeemable imposter and everyone that has ever met me is indeed repulsed by me. They just try to be nice because they are decent human beings that don’t want to be cruel but they’d rather be caught dead than sit at my lunch table.
These are some of my stories.
I have issues. My mind loves to run wild with them. My mind is a cruel, fun-house mirror that should never be trusted when I am in need of an honest reflection or an unbiased opinion. My mind is constantly commenting on the present moment, usually in ways that trigger feelings of fear, apprehension, and deep-seated terror.
But within seconds it’s off on another tangent about something someone I will never meet, nor would I care to, said on Twitter about something that is none of my business. Also, where did I put my phone? Do I have anything for lunch? I should buy that sweatshirt I saw on Instagram, what was the name of that company again?
The New Moon in Gemini occurs on May 22nd at 10:39 AM PT. Gemini’s winds whirl. The multifaceted storyteller of the zodiac, Gemini’s information is constantly on the move. No version of the tale sticks for too long as breaking news is always incoming for these reporters.
Holding on to nothing and channeling everything, Gemini’s ability to consider a myriad of possibilities is unnerving to most, but a place of comfort for this mutable air sign. Gemini is the breath that pushes forth each sentiment we utter. Its speech sparkles with witticisms offered at a speed few can recreate. Its mind is ceaseless in its chatter.
The symbol for Gemini is the twins, so while one side of this sign is out and about, the other side needs to retreat. Versatility is one of Gemini’s main characteristics but so too is a drastic shift in temperament. Mercurial, Gemini can talk to anyone, anywhere, but must also have time to be in exchange with themselves. Time for deep inner dialogues are much needed.
This New Moon asks for such attunement.
While the external world goes through a process of immense loss, and while so many of us suffer, struggle and mourn, we are more likely to be attuned to personal feelings, stories, and memories that would otherwise be inaccessible. Grief awaits our acknowledgment.
During the New Moon, its ruler, Mercury makes a conjunction to Venus retrograde also in Gemini. Venus is busy retracing the well-worn paths we have carved through intimacy and union. Venus retrograde takes us into our personal undergrounds where we re-examine our missteps, our miscommunications, and our missing link to greater connections. Our neediness is exposed, telling us where and when we feel repulsive, unfit, and unfulfilled. Our neediness is also a guide to follow, showing us what we crave, deserve, and desire if we can refuse the shame that usually accompanies it.
With Mercury the megaphone next to Venus, the stories we make up about our worthiness and desirability are even louder than they’d usually be. But so too are the stories of joy, pleasure, love, and sweetness.
Both planets are square Neptune; fantasies flourish, pleasure is intoxicating, and specifics get complicated. Relationship dynamics get worked. We confuse someone’s anxiety for their lack of interest in us. We assume someone’s inability to meet us where we are means we need too much, are too much, or that no one will ever think we are enough.
We need to hold onto the truth that issues that come up in relationships are so rarely about us. Give people extra space, the benefit of the doubt, and a lot of kindness without overextending or betraying yourself in the process.
This New Moon is also square to Mars. Conflicts get teased out, tempers are testy, and tongues wag in ways that set us on edge. From now until June 2nd, Venus is approaching a square to Mars and from now until June 6, the Sun is. These days have a little extra heat to them, spurring us into action or creating inflammation. In the midst of it all, on June 3, Venus makes its inferior conjunction to the Sun. The closest to us Venus ever is to the earth, we are asked to enter into the heart of our intimacy issues. Unwinding ourselves for a moment from the stories the mind has made up so that we can access the deep feelings the heart harbors.
The sole purpose of this moment is to remind ourselves that the one that we always seek union with is within.
New Moon blessings,
To work more deeply with the New Moon and Venus Retrograde, please join me for A Workshop for the New Moon in Gemini, Lunar Eclipse in Sagittarius, Astrology of May 22-June 19 +A Journey Through Venus Retrograde Pt 2. In it you’ll receive a reading, ritual, and guided meditation specific to your sign.