I’m single but far from loveless, so screw you and your focus on being in a formalized, heteronormative, nuclear-family style couple, Valentine’s Day.
I’ve been single for a long-ass time, like the better part of five years long. Or is it six now? I’ve lost track. I know that many have been single longer. For a lady in the dying light of her 30’s that always just assumed she’d have children (Well doesn’t every double Cancer?), it’s an interesting bind to find oneself in. And find myself I have, finally, begun to. These are the privileges of being a middle-class, white woman in America (or Canada, cause I was there too). I get to spend time developing and finding what truly gives me joy; service, creativity and connectivity. I don’t get chastised or ostracized for being single even though many my age are mothers, wives or divorcee’s. I don’t live in a time where I have to define myself by some man that I am attached to and I get to explore and experience this life as it is. I am wildly privileged compared to most female bodied folks on this planet, wildly. That doesn’t mean that most of my monthly moon cycles don’t feel like I’m attending the funeral of yet another unborn possibility of family making. Sometimes the urge to don all black and wail like an Italian lady at an old-school burial ground overwhelms me. Just saying.
But, so what and who cares? There are so many other things to think about, do and develop in life. Relationship, whatever the hell that is, seems to be such a far-off concept. I often wonder if I even care at this point. It’s like a strange game I used to know the rules to but no longer remember the point of playing. Is anyone really worth the freaking effort, struggle, work and compromise? Of course they are, to someone, somewhere, I’m sure.… Yes, I have proof even. All around me my friends are stumbling, falling and rising up into love. There are folks that had been single for a minute and had given up on the whole deal. Nothing makes me happier than seeing them happy. I think that any amount of love in the world maximizes all amounts of love in the world and we need more love here. More. Please.
Now, the last thing you need is another sappy, feel-good post written by a single 30’s something gal about How To Love Yourself Through Anything and Everything. Which, truth be told are at the core of every single horoscope I’ve ever written. Go there for some of that if you need it. Loving oneself is essential (duh!), a key ingredient to any kind of joyful living. It’s also something I think that most of you reading this already know a great deal about. This is most likely why every yoga teacher has a blog post about it on Elephant Journal. Yet most of us fall into the all consuming pit of narcissism, self-undoing and addiction. We think our salvation lies in acquiring more information, facts and theories. Meanwhile we never take the actual risks necessary to become the vulnerable, imperfect beings that a deeper love demands.
We don’t need another self-help book. We need to apply what we already know daily and then educate, mobilize and strategize ways to collectively be of service to this planet and its inhabitants. We need to remember that everyone has a story of suffering. While mine may be immense others hold the same kind of pain plus having to wade through the effects of trauma that racism, sexism, ableism, classism and homophobia in-debt us with.
All of us desperately need to be of service in order to be happy (that’s the big secret). I need daily reminders of who I am and what my job here really is. Then I need to get on with the business of living, the business of being of service. I need to get on with the business of creating a life that is anything but self-aggrandizing. Life’s lived in vain otherwise and we are too complex, too interesting, too talented and too unrealized as beings to spend all of our precious and fleeting time merely pleasing our senses with another self-indulgent distraction, yet again.
Love is a verb, it’s an action, it takes initiative and it’s risky. Love isn’t pity; love knows no one needs to be saved. Instead love sees the inherent intelligence inside of each being and keeps the focus on assisting others to see this in themselves. Love is messy and incomplete, leaving room for more. Love is brave; braver than a yoga class, braver than goji berries and braver than meditating your way out of human interaction (Yes, I have spent entirely too much time on the West Side [read white side] of LA in all its Yogic glowie glory.) Love is having the audacity to be yourself in a city full of clones and a world full of freeze dried feelings. Love is the sheer resiliency of every person that has ever had to see themselves despite living inside of an oppressive supremacy that told them they were not worth a second glance. Love risks all and saves all, hoarding nothing and accepting everything.
Love isn’t just between two people; people die and change their minds. People leave and grow apart. People stay and devote themselves to us. People are devastatingly beautiful and complicated. People hope and pray for us, people are all of these things but the one thing they are not is permanent. The only thing permanent is love, the love we can cultivate for our enemies, the love have for our lovers, friends and family. The love we can muster for our inner mean girl, the love we can give freely to the person without enough food, shelter, clothing, access or sanity to get through another day.
image by http://www.sushilaburgess.co.uk |
The Leo full moon occurs on Friday, February 14th at 3:53 pm, yes, on Valentine’s Day (cue sound of vomiting in mouth a little bit). Leo is the brave/cowardly lion, full of heart and bravado, warmth and insecurity. Leo needs an audience; Leo loves us when we are paying attention and sulks audibly when we are not. Leo is primed for play while being as regal as any queen and as demanding. It takes a steely heart to refuse the charms of such a charmer. It takes a Debbie Downer to miss the magic of such mischief and a bore of a babe to not join in on the fun. You just can’t stay mad at a Leo for long. Well you can, but most likely you will secretly miss their goofy goods and wonderfully warm glow.
This full moon is fueled by a very close sextile from Mars in Libra; the planet that has most of us on a mission for peaceful wars and ways to fight our battles without spilling too much blood (making most Libra’s quite mad at the moment). Mars has just moved over the upcoming April 15th eclipse point. It is slowing down and will be the third inner planet to go retrograde in 2014. Backwards is the new forward, apparently.
Currently, Mercury is doing a stellar job of its retrograde revival (I cannot believe my emails are still bouncing back, please call or text if you can’t get through the old-fashioned way). Mercury is forcing us to slow down and take mindful steps backwards. At the time of the full moon, Mercury will be 2 degrees from the sun and opposing the full moon. We can bet that communication issues will be a key component to this magnanimous lunar minx.
Not to be left out, Saturn is the Presiding Priestess, squaring the sun/moon opposition (what happens at a full moon). Squares from Saturn are about as romantic as having your grandma chaperone your first date with the kool kid in class. Saturn wants rules to be imposed, boundaries to be upheld and regulations to be rocked. There are always issues of responsibility, authority, autonomy and self-restraint arising when Saturn turns its severe stare towards us. Saturn doesn’t cozy up to partnership; Saturn stays cautious, considering all angles of committing before saying yes. It isn’t fooled or romanced or even charmed by Leo’s flirtatiousness. That doesn’t mean that Saturn can’t have fun it’s just that it’s a little more into role play with clear rules than spontaneous surprises, just like Mars is more turned on by full body contact than it is soft petting with cooing, oohing and aahing.
With the sun and Mercury in edgy, intelligent, cool and composed Aquarius (who’s Saturn ruled) there is a pretty good balance of hot (Leo moon and Uranus in Aries) and cold (Sun and Mercury in Aquarius, Mars in Libra), wet (Saturn in Scorpio, Neptune in Pisces) and dry (Venus and Pluto in Capricorn). Love needs balance to flourish, Saturn always supplies us with a threshold to cross while squares force us into action. Looks like it’s time to move past our familiar boundary and test out some new emotional terrain with the courageous, foolish, feisty flare of this moon.
The reason why we need grumpy pants Saturn and its commitment craze is because there is no way to build anything that can stand the test of time without it. Commitment leads to true freedom. Whatever you think about relationships, love or romance one thing is for sure-our first commitment must be to ourselves because self love isn’t easily won. As I wrote about above, we may know a whole boatload of psychological theory, religious philosophy and/or spiritual knowledge but loving ourselves requires none of that. Zero, zilch, zip. Self love, for those of us rising out of self-hate and self-rejection, requires that we do everything in our power to be fully self-supporting (Saturn) while being completely open, playful and wonder-filled (Leo) and able to walk to the beat of our own drum (Aquarius). Self-love is the gateway drug to a soul-centered love. Self-love is the antithesis of self-centeredness, it’s about feeling so loved and filled with the beauty of that love that we need no one person to be any one thing. Instead we enjoy all we are in partnership with as is. But mostly self-love is about waking up to the responsibility that we are the ones meant to usher in a more peaceful, just and livable planet. Stick that in your Valentine and smoke it.
I love you and wish you many full moon blessings,
Chani
*Edited by Laurence Joseph Jones